Finding Delight…

As we’ve been journeying through our Summer Refreshment series, some of our fabulous readers have been sharing photos, songs, and other beautiful tidbits of life pertaining to each week’s theme on facebook or on our pinterest group board. But I felt the need to write about our theme and my reaching for it, so here goes. Last week’s theme was “Delighted in Him.” I shared how the Lord convicted me about my need to grow in delighting in Him over my constant attention to the needs around me. Through the week, I of course, pressed into the Lord with a heart desperate to grow in simply and purely enjoying God’s presence.

It’s a great thing to delight in God’s presence. But, quite honestly, the noise of life makes it hard to find His presence sometimes. And yes, I know there’s someone out there who feels they’ve got this facet of Christianity down pat, but even David struggled to find God’s face from time to time, so I’m thinking all of us have/will go through seasons of intensity. At one point in my walk I couldn’t imagine not sensing the Lord as near as the air around me… eventually, all of us go through humbling, seasoning and discipline, it’s part of maturing in Christ and part of being a true child of God. Anyway! Of all years, I think this one has held the most heavy-heartedness in a long time… or perhaps some of the previous years’ heartaches have just caught up to me. And that heaviness of heart too often lately has just worn me out and overloaded my spiritual senses to find the nearness of God the way I wish to. I think it’s during seasons like this we must grow deeper roots of faith to find the hidden streams and that is why God allows them into our lives.

An old photo of Grandma. Isn’t she pretty?

Last week I spent most everyday at my grandma’s hospital bedside. Hospitals are exhausting places to be. I shared with someone how I’d forgotten about that weariness that comes with long hospital stints and she told me she thinks they pump something in the airconditioning to keep the patients subdued and the visitors just get it too. Of course she was kidding, but goodnight! That place is tiring! My poor grandma has someone caring for her round the clock, which is wonderful, but often painful and less dignified than I would wish for her. She doesn’t get a solid eight hours of sleep. They’ve got her on meds which give her new side effects and… well, it’s a hard place for her to be. After two hours of repeatedly trying to find a new location for the IV, with different nurses all giving it a go, my aunt eventually said enough was enough, they could try in the morning with the IV specialist. No, they said, we’ve got to get these antibiotics in her. I asked if she could take them orally instead, they said no at first, but called the doctor and he prescribed oral antibiotics. Thank You, God! Grandma laid her head over on the table, weary with the pain and the process, and covered her face with her hands. She had another night like that two days later, and then last night they had to take out a bad IV. I could see her weariness. My always-tough grandma looked like she could cry. I cried for her as I stroked her arm and begged the Lord to not let her feel the pain. She’s black and blue from the wrist past her elbow.

Also this week, my sister in another state went into labor two months early and delivered a heathy baby girl. Praise God! But while she’s doing great for being only 32 weeks, she’s hooked up to all manner of medical ties and she’s so tiny. It hurts all their hearts to see that precious little life struggle. I only hear about it on my way home from the hospital here. I guess she’s had more things done and hooked up to her little body since this picture was taken. We’re all weary.

Friday night we were headed to see Grandma again. A call came in that broke our hearts. Our beloved elder who’d been fighting cancer valiantly for years went home to his Father and his reward. Men like him don’t come around but once in a lifetime. Eric and I often said we want to be like him and his wife when we grow up! We are happy for his freedom from this struggle, but grieve his loss and grieve for his precious wife.

In the middle of all this struggle… and that’s only a few personal ones… there’s a woman at church recently diagnosed with cancer, a family hurting with a mentally ill family member, families with financial trials…all this heaviness we constantly lift before our Father, we are instructed for the good and filling of our souls to turn from them and delight ourselves in the Lord.

I came home tired and beat. I prayed, Lord, I don’t think I’m doing too good at delighting this week. I’m just so tired and sad. Then my attention was turned. Our little dog was doing his characteristic precious little doggie “cartwheels” over our return. He was squeaking his toy with delight, throwing his head back and howling, just overjoyed at our presence. He needed to go potty and eat, but first on his little doggie mind was joy over our nearness. In Hebrew, one of the words for worship is the same word used to describe how a dog licks his master’s hand. I felt the Lord whisper into my heart, I’m here with you, just like you’re here with your Toby-dog. Even though he has needs, he sets them aside for joy. Allow my nearness to be enough for your joy. And I did. He’s been there in the hospital rooms in both states (and your state too!), He’s been with our friends who have lost their loved ones this year (we’ve known 8  who died in the last 14 months), He’s in the very middle of every need. And yes, His nearness is enough for joy. It might be a struggle or a sacrifice of praise, but there is joy, there is delight in Him.